A Stones Throw 11-22-12


Hi. Shadow here.

Mike is too busy to write this week. He told me he had to go on a Twinkie hunt. At first this made me mad. I told him I didn’t like to hear all the guns shooting at my dear friends.

He told me they were “Deer” friends, not “dear” friends. I told him they were both – “dear Deer” friends.

Anyway, Mike assured me he was not going to shoot at my friends. Instead he showed me a squishy looking orange sponge that had some white stuff in the middle. He said it represented a part of history – that it was actually food. That he needed his Twinkies.

Then he told me there were going to be no more Twinkies. After that he headed out the door to begin his Twinkie hunt.

What I don’t understand is: if there are no more Twinkies, why hunt for them? Isn’t that like thinking the Indianapolis Colts could beat the New England Patriots? Or that the Cubs could win the World Series?


Actually I am glad Mike left and that I get to write this week. Last week I heard him talk about Indiana and 30 other states telling President Obama that they want to secede from the Union. I asked Mike what ‘secede’ meant and he told me it meant those states didn’t want to be part of the United States anymore. That they wanted to be their own country and have their own government.

At first I thought this was dumb. I mean, didn’t Mike just vote for people running for government office in Indiana? Doesn’t this mean Indiana already has a government?

Then I started to think. Maybe this seceding thing is a good idea

In the past I have written about Rabbit Hash, Kentucky’s mayor – a black Labrador named “Mayor Jr.” While Mayor Jr. had offered me the job of Police Chief of Rabbit Hash, I didn’t want to leave my hill and move across the river.

Instead, I thought maybe I could become Mayor of the town of Patriot. I knew it would take time before I was recognized as the Mayor but I thought my writing ‘ A Stones Throw’ for Mike would help get me noticed.

It didn’t work.

I read in the paper a while back that a dog named ‘Oreo’ is the unofficial Mayor of Patriot. And I wasn’t even given the opportunity to run for office.

Then, as I said, last week Mike talked about Indiana wanting to secede from the Union. Mike thinks it is dumb to talk about seceding. (I really don’t understand Mike. He blames the “Bakers Union” for causing him to lose his Twinkies. If this is true, wouldn’t he want to secede from them? Or, is he talking about a different union?)

Anyway, as I said, I thought about it a bit and decided this seceding thing might be a good idea.

Here are the facts as I see them.

I live on top of a hill with two people, three dogs, three cats, and about 20 fish. There is no formal government. Sure, Mike and Jade think they are in charge, but let’s face it, I actually control Mike pretty well so doesn’t that mean I am the one in charge?

With that in mind, I started thinking about seceding from the surrounding area and setting up my own government in my own country.

I will call it ‘Shadowland’.

In order to set up a country you need a lot of support. The first thing I did was to invite three Black Vultures from Texas to consult with me. When they arrived last week I let them stay on top of the house. They spent several hours soaring the skies, surveying the area. When Shadowland is established I will use Black Vultures as my stealth Air Force.

I am still hoping for either Hawks or Eagles to help patrol the skies. I sure wish they would come visit me.

But I digress. I am comfortable with the Black Vultures. I know all the Turkey Vultures around here are not happy with my choice, but they have never stopped to talk with me about my ideas.

Anyway, once I established a stealth Air Force, I decided I needed advice on setting up my government so I invited ‘Thakkadis’, one of Farmer Joan’s horses, over for a conference. I waited until Mike forgot to shut the gate and then I called Thakkadis whose name is the Icelandic version of Athena – the Greek Goddess of Wisdom.

And wisdom is what I needed.

Thakkadis immediately came over to my yard. She brought her daughter and three other friends. I started to discuss my secession ideas, but forgot that Thak (I call her Thak,) is from Iceland. She still has a problem understanding German Shepherd.

I think about this time Mike started to figure out what I was working on. He came outside and conned me into the truck. I thought he was going to take me for a ride so I jumped in.

He fooled me. He just wanted to get me away from Thak. He didn’t want Thak to give me her ideas toward setting up my government. He must believe this “Goddess of Wisdom” stuff.

So, while I was stuck in the truck he called Farmer Joan and asked her to come get her horses. When she showed up she started talking to Thak.

Thak ignored her.

I think Thak doesn’t understand English very well either. I wonder what language she spoke in Iceland?

Or maybe Thak just decided starting your own country is a good idea. Whatever, Joan finally tricked Thak and her friends into leaving and heading back home by offering them food.

That really made me think. While I really would like to have my own country where I could be Mayor – or better yet, King – I might be better off leaving things as they are. Maybe Shadowland can wait.

I will still have my friends – new and old. I will still have Mike to play fetch with.

And, I will always have a warm place to live and plenty of food to eat. That is, assuming Mike comes back from his Twinkies hunt.

If he does, I think I will ask him if I can have a Twinkie.

On the other hand, I think I will just ask him to play fetch. Who needs a Twinkie?

– Shadow